HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
