i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
