i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
