Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
