Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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