Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize