I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
