super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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