Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
