I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
