you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it penis luge time yet?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
