dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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