I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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