Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize