hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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