I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
