How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
