it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
