Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
