I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
