chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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