Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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