Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
