Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
