I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
