im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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