I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
