Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
