Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
