1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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