I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
