marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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