I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
