I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
