Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He felt like a one man threesome
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
