my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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