At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
