the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
