I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
