I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
