Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
