turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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