i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
