Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well you can't waste a boner
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
