just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Say something about gay babies.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
