Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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