just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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