hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
