did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
