she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
