If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
