Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
