He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
