I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
