guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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