I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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