Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
