Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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