Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize