my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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