I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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