Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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