You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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