do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
