Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize