if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
